Taylor interviewed many young women at the University of Pennsylvania about their own experiences with dating and hookups. They envisioned their 20s as a period of unencumbered striving, when they might work at a bank in Hong Kong one year, then go to business school, then move to a corporate job in New York. The idea of lugging a relationship through all those transitions was hard for many to imagine.
Almost universally, the women said they did not plan to marry until their late 20s or early 30s. This way, they could be sexually active while pursuing what they see, in a society of hyper-achievers, as more important goals—good grades, leadership positions on campus, and, eventually, top jobs. Of course, the idea that women are equally responsible for the pervasiveness of the hookup culture is not a new one. And to a surprising degree, it is women—not men—who are perpetuating the culture, especially in school, cannily manipulating it to make space for their success, always keeping their own ends in mind.
For college girls these days, an overly serious suitor fills the same role an accidental pregnancy did in the 19th century: a danger to be avoided at all costs, lest it get in the way of a promising future. For Friedersdorf, every relationship before his wife taught him important lessons about how to relate to other people and how to navigate the tricky dynamics of romantic relationships. I think that most people would be.
Often it takes getting it wrong a lot to get it right…Plus, some of what everyone needs is a partner who understands how to balance selfishness and selflessness; how to juggle career and personal life; how to be fully invested in a relationship and also fulfill individual needs…But everyone makes and learns from mistakes. At what age is it ideal to start that effort?
I can only imagine how difficult miraculous? At the same time, this idea of practice-makes-perfect dating strikes me as more than a little dubious, i. It denies the reality that one of the most beautiful parts of any relationship is when two people grow together through mistakes and learn how to relate to one another—within the context of their relationship.
